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<title>my life would suck without you (a la kelly clarkson) by beepbedeep</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872861">my life would suck without you (a la kelly clarkson)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep'>beepbedeep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AND RAW SAND, F/F, THAT'S RAW HAIR, do you ever just think about, how much sand, if you had to SLEEP ON THE BEACH, island snuggles!!!, leah KNOWS THINGS, little bit of backstory!, no thank you!!!!, would get in your hair??</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:53:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fatin’s face has been getting closer and closer lately, breath against her cheek to say something that doesn’t need to be whispered, her hair caught in Leah’s mouth, a smile bright in the dark.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>my life would suck without you (a la kelly clarkson)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leah’s pretty sure Fatin is going to kiss her. She’s not sure when yet, or exactly how, but she <i>feels</i> it, feels it the way she knew burning the book was the right choice, the way she can’t help but think there’s something they don’t know about the island, the way she knew Ian was going to kiss her in the tent. Leah might not be particularly logical all the time, but sometimes her borderline obsessive brain lands on something real. Fatin’s face has been getting closer and closer lately, breath against her cheek to say something that doesn’t <i>need</i> to be whispered, her hair caught in Leah’s mouth, a smile bright in the dark. </p><p> </p><p><b>A memory:</b> On their 6th grade field trip (three nights in cabins near Yosemite that gets pitch black at night and smells like disinfectant and old food), Anna C loses one of her shoes, Charlie splits his lip open and has to be driven to the emergency room by one of the rangers, Jenny P keeps everyone else awake with her chatter the <i>entire</i> night (until at least 1am!!) and Leah doesn’t know what she’s saying because, like clockwork, Fatin starts to cry the minute the lights go off. </p><p>Leah listens to Jenny and Abbi R’s intense discussion about their favorite Barbie movies until the sniffles from the bed next to her are impossible to ignore. That night, and the next two, she taps Fatin’s blanketed shoulder and crawls into her bed, careful to not pull on the braids Fatin puts her hair into with their last few minutes of electric light. They hold hands and squeeze back and forth until Fatin’s breathing relaxes. (Leah doesn’t see Fatin again that summer, and when they all get back to school Fatin is <i>different</i>, older or taller or something. She laughs differently, and wears her hair down, but Leah is exactly the same. They don’t talk that year. Or the next.)</p><p> </p><p><b>An update:</b> Fatin doesn’t cry about the dark anymore. She sleeps in a ball now, like she’s trying to block the world out, and yeah, that’s an understandable reaction under the circumstances, but Fatin is normally so open, so completely <i>there</i> for everyone to see. <i>That much tension can’t be good for anyone, she don’t need any more right now</i>, that’s what Leah tells herself when she tentatively crawls over to the-sweatshirt-covered-ball-usually-known-as-Fatin and wraps her arms around Fatin’s waist. The change is instant, every muscle in Fatin’s body melts into Leah’s and one of them pulls or lets themselves be pulled and either way they end up flush against each other, tight against the windy night. </p><p> </p><p><b>A realization:</b> Fatin wakes up the next morning to the familiar (and almost relaxing) sounds of Dot and Rachel making a plan for the day, and to the warm feeling of someone breathing pressed against her back. The tips of her fingers buzz, part of her chest tightens, and Fatin isn’t usually one to let anyone <i>spend the night</i> but if she squeezes Leah’s hand before <i>wake up wake up</i> poking her shoulder she’s pretty sure no one else notices. (This turns out to not be technically true when Leah squeezes back.) </p><p> </p><p><b>A dream:</b> Fatin’s smile, Fatin’s laugh, ripping the clouds attacking Leah’s head apart. Fatin has long finegrnails here, dripping in glitter, and every place the glitter touches grows a small blue flower. Leah runs around once the clouds are vanquished, picks them and hands them to Fatin. Fatin’s hands brush hers and Leah sees golden streaks swirl across her skin. Fatin blushes, backs away, and Leah pulls her forward, hands on skin, <i>touch me there and there and there</i>. As Leah is consumed by the gold swirls, the last thing she sees are Fatin’s eyes, the last thing she feels is their connected hands. (Leah tells Fatin about this dream the next morning and the grin she gets, accompanied by an arm slung around her shoulders and an affectionate <i>let’s find some food Rilke</i>, etches itself on her eyelids.)</p><p> </p><p><b>Another dream:</b> Fatin’s shoulder, neck, back, smooth and soft, statement crop tops nowhere to be seen. Stomach exposed, shiny hair falling like a curtain around her body, lips, unimaginably inviting, open just enough to say something that could be <i>Leah</i>. (Leah doesn’t say anything to Fatin about this one.)</p><p> </p><p>Leah hasn’t washed her hair in <i>weeks</i>, aside from floating aimlessly by the waterfall a few days ago, and she’s falling further and further into the conspiracy reddit that lives solely in her brain, but Fatin keeps brushing her face by Leah’s, bending closer and closer with a glint in her eyes that Leah trusts, somehow. </p><p>Back in her normal life she might scoff at this, at the idea of getting so close to <i>literally the only other person from her school</i>, how contrived it would be to befriend this girl she never talks to just because they share the same zip code, but here all Leah feels is <i>safe</i> and <i>right</i>. In her better moments, if any of her conspiracy-spiral can be called better, Leah will look around at the other girls, try to map out why <i>they</i> out of all the other high school girls in America ended up here, and wonder if someone designed this, if someone else knew she and Fatin would get along, despite all signs pointing to the contrary. </p><p> </p><p>Leah doesn’t know much right now, doesn’t know who to trust and who to not take pills from, but yeah, Fatin’s gonna kiss her. And it’ll be <i>great</i>.</p>
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